I know i try to write clever (usually not so clever) little poems all the time but right now I just need to get all this shit out. So as it turns out, I’m not an entirely terrible person. I just have a ton of defense mechanisms and i struggle with what’s just. I realized my recent attempts to embrace being a complete ass are akin to those of Barney from ‘How I Met Your Mother’. I’m (attempting to) bury the pain of love and loss through the personification of the typical alpha male, i.e. displays of masculinity, an overactive labido, and generally peacocked, obnoxious behavior. Recognizing this; however, forces me to ponder the inevitable ‘why is this revelation even significant?’ To be completely honest to my plethora of followers, I know I’m not ready to forfeit this new lifestyle yet, because I know it helps me put on a happy face and laugh in the face of adversity. I think that many people would stop right there and say, ‘so you really are a bad person; you recognize a flaw but don’t try to fix it!’ but don’t we all have our flaws? we see them, often more than anyone else cares to, but we don’t fix them all. If we did we would be much better peo- ok not really, we’d still be fucked up. I guess I don’t really have an answer for myself right now other than the slight satisfaction that comes with the ability to know myself well enough to find and admit my errors in rationale. I’ll leave the pursuit of perfection to the religious.